


Your Guide to Egg-Laying

by MrsHamill



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: First Time, Humor, Mission Fic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-26
Updated: 2006-04-26
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:20:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHamill/pseuds/MrsHamill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Qui-Gon objects to a 'buggy' mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Guide to Egg-Laying

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my daughter for help on the title and Claude for the exhaustive beta. This is partially the Emu's fault but mostly my own. Written for the Master and Apprentice Fund Raising 'Zine.

"Your pardon, masters, but are you out of what passes for your collective minds?"

Obi-Wan Kenobi watched his master, Qui-Gon Jinn, pick yet another fight with the Jedi Council and said not a word. The wince and the sigh he heaved were strictly internal and shoved behind very tight shields. 

His master wasn't done yet, though. "We cannot possibly go to Yngtoc, we're male! What in the Force could we--"

Councilor Windu cut him off. "The Yngtoc are an insectoid species. Not only do they not have midi-chlorians, they don't even have blood as we know it. We know they don't truly understand mammals so unless we tell them specifically -- which we are not going to do and neither will you -- they will not know what gender you are. This mission requires the utmost in diplomacy and investigative prowess, which means it falls to you, like it or not."

Obi-Wan frowned slightly. He didn't recall studying the Yngtoc, and wondered why his gender would have any impact on the mission. 

"They have a hive mind, and we don't--"

"Know they have a hive mind, we do not." It was Master Yoda who interrupted Qui-Gon this time. "With this mission, find more information on them you will. Emergency beacon you will carry. Pull you out at a moment's notice, we can."

"We must know if the source of the slavery ring is on or around Yngtoc. They might not understand the ramifications of slavery and need to be shown if that is so." Master Windu frowned. "This may also be a good way to assess their fitness to join the Republic."

"Then let me go alone," Qui-Gon said. "I don't want to put my padawan into danger."

Obi-Wan started at that and opened his mouth to speak. He was hardly a child anymore; in fact, he'd just received his senior padawan status. Why would his master be worried about him on this mission? Master Yoda spoke before he could. "Go, you both shall. Leave at dawn you will. Dismissed you are."

There didn't seem to be anything else to say to that. Qui-Gon gave the entire Council a frown and a perfunctory bow and turned to leave in a swirl of cloak, his padawan following him closely. 

They were halfway back to their apartment before Obi-Wan managed to get Qui-Gon's attention. "Master, I'm not familiar with the Yngtoc. What is the issue with..."

"Look them up on the dataset in our apartment," Qui-Gon growled. "There are special arrangements I need to make before we leave, including the implantation of the emergency beacon -- well, that'll be for both of us." They reached their quarters and Qui-Gon stalked to his room, still talking. "I cannot believe that those boneheads are sending us to Yngtoc. Please do the usual packing and such for an extended mission, Obi-Wan. I'll have my comlink if you need me." Carrying a small box in one hand, Qui-Gon swept out of the apartment, leaving Obi-Wan breathless and blinking.

There was precious little information in the Temple's database on Yngtoc -- including how to spell it. No one knew what the Yngtoc called themselves or their planet, though through their sophisticated translator technology, 'Yngtoc' was the closest anyone could get to their name, species, and/or planet. They were insectoid, resembling five-and-a-half to six-foot mantises with sophisticated cities but no space travel, and apparently no desire to develop such technology. 

The problem seemed to be that they (being insects) did not understand mammalian species and had never shown an interest in developing such an understanding. But there was a slavery ring operating in that sector of space and the Yngtoc might be involved. If so, they would have to learn that the Republic frowned on any species -- mammalian or not -- involved in slavery.

What little there was on Yngtoc society was utterly fascinating, and that's where Obi-Wan discovered the source of his master's ire. The Yngtoc were strictly divided by gender; the larger females were dominant while the smaller males lived in pampered seclusion until it was time to mate, something that happened twice a year (their planet's year was only a few days longer than Coruscant's). While the information did not carry any actual facts about Yngtoc mating rituals (other than what could be guessed due to them being insects), one thing was clear: the male, after mating with the female, did not survive. 

Obi-Wan's eyes grew large and he swallowed, fingering his neck. He knew what happened to male mantises. The idea that such a thing could be possible with intelligent, five-and-a-half to six foot Yngtoc gave him a headache.

* * *

Obi-Wan didn't find out what was in the box Qui-Gon placed in his own luggage for quite some time. They underwent the painless procedure to embed the emergency beacons under the skin of their forearms and were on their way to Yngtoc the same day they were given the assignment; apparently Qui-Gon didn't feel the urge to wait for dawn. Qui-Gon set Obi-Wan to investigating the routes the slavers -- some of whom had been caught -- would have taken in order to pass by Yngtoc. There were other things to research and it kept them busy until they reached the planet.

While the Yngtoc didn't have space travel, they did have a (small) port and were able to receive broadcasts from passersby. Their request to land and meet with the planet's leaders was met with surprise at first, but their welcome, when it finally came, seemed warm and sincere. Once they landed, Obi-Wan's greatest worry turned out to be true: not only were the Yngtoc not Force-sensitive, they barely registered in the Force at all and stayed in the 'background,' just like insects and non-sentient animals of any planet. His strong sense of trepidation only increased once he realized that.

They were asked to remain in their shuttle until a delegation from the leaders arrived at the port to greet them. Looking out the window of the shuttle, Obi-Wan was alarmed to see a large group of Yngtoc headed their way, most of whom would stand taller than he once he was among them. The resemblance to tall, long-legged and large-headed mantises was strong and Obi-Wan was glad he'd never had a phobia about bugs.

Though he did wonder if he might develop one after this mission.

Qui-Gon saw the delegation approach as well, and turned to face him. "Follow my lead, Padawan," he said. "We must be extremely careful here. If they discover that we're males before we're able to teach them about mammalian breeding and intercourse, it will undoubtedly go badly for us."

"I understand, Master," Obi-Wan replied obediently, swallowing down another lump of bad feeling. 

His master gave him the patented Stern Jedi Master Look and muttered, "I certainly hope you do, Padawan." The rest of Qui-Gon's words were under his breath and Obi-Wan was startled to feel his master releasing as much tension into the Force as he was.

Each member of the delegation wore a belt-device around her... thorax Obi-Wan finally decided, after studying them. Some of the members, those who stood around a central group, also carried what looked like armament and Obi-Wan put them down as guards, which made sense. The core group were taller and Obi-Wan guessed that they were older, as well. He knew, from his reading, that all the Yngtoc he could see were female; they would probably never see the males, secluded into their seraglio until 'needed.'

The two Jedi lowered the shuttle's ramp and walked down it, very slowly. Obi-Wan stood his normal two paces behind and one to the left of his master, this time being more than pleased to defer to him. Upon their appearance, a murmur started immediately and he looked around quickly, trying to avoid looking nervous.

But if they had no idea about mammals, how would they know about nervousness? Then again, they might be able to smell it, like canines or felines. Then again... Obi-Wan's headache was starting to get very bad.

By the time they made it to the end of the ramp, the delegation was there to greet them. Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan bowed very deeply and the core group facing them responded by bowing as well, far more elegantly. One member of the group stepped forward slowly -- perhaps cautiously? 

"Expression of welcome to us. Expression of inquiry your name or designation." The creature 'spoke' in a series of clicks and sounds reminiscent of barks, but the translator device sounded like a flat newspeaker. Obi-Wan suppressed the urge to giggle at the incongruity.

"I am called Qui-Gon Jinn. The one here behind me is Obi-Wan Kenobi." So far so good... Qui-Gon was being careful not to use any gender-specific pronouns. "We represent the Jedi and the Republic. We have come to seek your help in a matter which may concern you."

As Qui-Gon spoke, the general murmur of sound picked up as heads waved gently in a curious wind. Finally, the same delegate spoke. "Jedi and Republic known are. Expression of welcome. Infrequent opportunity we to speak to alien-mammal-alien."

The delegation parted before them and they were urged, with waves from several legs -- or possibly arms -- to proceed. Qui-Gon was the picture of serenity, but Obi-Wan knew one of his hands (both of which were tucked into the sleeves of his cloak) held his lightsaber. Obi-Wan held his as well. This was far too strange a situation to be in, and Obi-Wan had the sudden thought of what the Yngtoc ate and if they'd be expected to dine with them...

His headache was turning into a migraine. There _had_ to be some way out of this.

* * *

The Yngtoc's architecture was amazing and quite beautiful. The buildings were all curved walls and delicate flying buttresses, gracefully arched doorways, and floors which soared into walls which in turn curved into ceilings. From what little information on the Yngtoc Obi-Wan had been able to study, he knew that at some point in their past, they had been winged beings. Now, however, their wings looked vestigial and far too slight to hold them aloft.

The delegation led them to a large building which Obi-Wan inferred was a government house. Their progress down the boulevard from the spaceport was apparently so arresting that the guards had to spread out to either side in order to ensure their safe passage. Only the delegation and guards surrounding them wore the translator devices so they were assailed from all sides by the strange speech of the Yngtoc as many of them stopped dead to watch them pass. It was totally impossible to read them through facial expressions (nothing on their 'faces' were even capable of movement) or body language (six limbs altogether, three on each side, and Force only knew what the central pair of limbs were used for). Obi-Wan continued to release his anxiety into the Force as they moved, feeling Qui-Gon do the same.

Despite the Jedi's trepidation, the Yngtoc were the souls of hospitality. The entire group ended up in a large room which had strange-looking cushions scattered around the edges of it and a large, high table dominating one end. Around the table were odd, pyramidal, padded things which Obi-Wan only figured out were seats after thinking about them for a while. The Yngtoc could not _sit_ as a human would; it appeared they would perch on the seats with their lower limbs to either side. It was obviously a design borne of practicality, but Obi-Wan despaired thinking about how such a seat would feel to a human.

Once in the room, the guards relaxed and moved to the periphery and doors. The delegates all seemed to want to talk at once and eagerly plied the Jedi with questions. Despite Obi-Wan's resolve, he was gradually separated from his master as they both developed an orbiting system of curious Yngtoc. They both made an effort to remain as close to each other as possible, and Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon was listening to his replies even as Obi-Wan did the same to Qui-Gon's.

One of the dignitaries seemed younger to Obi-Wan; she was about his height and asked the most questions, some of which were clearly felt to be impertinent by the others near her (or so Obi-Wan guessed from their reactions). Obi-Wan did his best to respond correctly, always being mindful of his pronouns lest he slip up and call Qui-Gon 'he.' Her enthusiastic questions made it difficult, however.

"Other one with you tall is being, very old she being. True speaking?" While her 'voice' from the translator sounded precisely like all the other translators, Obi-Wan could almost believe he heard a breathless curiosity in all her questions. 

Fighting back the urge to laugh over the idea of calling his very male master 'she,' Obi-Wan responded carefully. "Among mammals, height does not indicate age." Others in his group waved from side to side and seemed to be expressing incredulity... maybe. "H-- Qui-Gon is older than I am, though. I am... I am... a student. I learn from Qui-Gon." It was beginning to drive him insane; never before had he appreciated pronouns so much!

"A student? A learner?" His questioner had to be excited; her entire body was weaving back and forth and nearly vibrating. "Younger you? Not-male? Heard me mammal males travel females with! True speak? Male, you are, are you?"

Yes, that was definitely censure coming from her companions, but she seemed not to notice. Deciding to tackle her questions separately, Obi-Wan said, "I am a learner. I learn from Qui-Gon. It is why I am younger than my teacher is." Inelegant, but it got the point across, he supposed. "Mammals are very different from Yngtoc, I expect you know that. Males and females do travel together, it is not uncommon. Our breeding habits are completely different from yours; males and females are generally on equal footing." Realizing at the last second that expression was probably too colloquial for them, Obi-Wan hastily amended it. "I mean, males and females are generally considered equals. In everything." 

"Forgiving small-young please, much excited she." It was the largest female who spoke and there was no mistake; it was the Evil Censure Eye she was casting on the younger one. Obi-Wan had been on the receiving end of such a look more times than he could count and it was almost refreshing to know that such a thing was inter-species. "She is speak with less sense than a male many times. I am Speaker Gokk-ess-spk who expression gratitude for presence by you."

The younger Yngtoc hunched herself over into a peculiar pose -- to Obi-Wan, it appeared she was abashed. "It's not important, Milady, and no offence was taken," he hastened to say. He wasn't even going to attempt to use the female's name which, he was certain, did not completely translate. "We are diplomats and well used to questions."

"Well speak you. Expression of curiosity sentient mammals. Expression of joy chance to learn of you." Yes, this was definitely an older Yngtoc and very canny too, he suspected. 

"If it is within my power to reply, I will do so." Obi-Wan half-bowed as he spoke, to a murmur of comment.

"She is speak being a male," he heard one being off to his right say. He was absurdly grateful that the Yngtoc would not be able to understand his nervous smile.

"We would welcome further talking at eating. Share food with us, you and your teacher may?"

For the first time in his life, Obi-Wan Kenobi felt genuine panic. "No! I mean, we don't... it's... we don't eat," he finished, lamely, throwing a 'save me!' glance to Qui-Gon who thankfully caught it.

Once again, Qui-Gon Jinn demonstrated why he was a master. "What my student means is we do not eat in public. It is against our religion." 

All the Yngtoc surrounding them reared back in... surprise? "Know we did not," Speaker Gokk-essomething-or-other replied. "Expression of regret, expression of apology. To intrude your religious we may not. Provide we can room private alone for eating you?"

"Our ship will be fine, though we thank you most profusely for your sensitivity to our needs. We look forward to more discourse with you, once the time of our eating is past. Since that is not for another hour or so, we can continue to speak together." How he managed to be so calm and rational was completely beyond Obi-Wan. 

Speaker Unpronounceable waved in a bow. "Then speak we time you to leave us before to take food."

Obi-Wan's smile was frozen on his face. Another _hour_ or so?

* * *

"My first-born is yours forever, Master."

Qui-Gon snorted in what might barely have been humor. "Please, Padawan, not now. I realize you use humor as a tension-reliever but this is not the time." He tossed his robe into his small stateroom as he passed it, on the way to their galley. "My saving you was as much for myself. I saw what you did not: the hors d'oeuvres being served. They were small and covered with fur and most definitely alive."

Though he had been hungry, the idea of eating small, furry creatures alive as an hors d'oeuvre made his stomach want to crawl out through his esophagus and into a hole somewhere to hide. Swallowing hard, he muttered, "...my first-born and any other first-borns I can steal. So much for them never showing an interest in mammalian physiology -- I think our files are out of date. _Enormously_ out of date."

"We may be Jedi, but I must draw the line somewhere." Qui-Gon threw himself into one of the small galley chairs with a sigh, ignoring his padawan's complaint. "This is going to be extremely difficult, Padawan." Obi-Wan turned and gave him an incredulous look. "No, that was not humor and yes, it was an understatement. A gross understatement. While you were playing guessing games, I was speaking with one of the older dignitaries. She was quite interested in the topic of slavery and I only mentioned it in passing."

"Oh." Obi-Wan wasn't sure he was ever going to be hungry again. "Do you think they understand the topic or are we going to have to educate them?"

Qui-Gon sighed. "I don't know. Once we've eaten, we'll go back and see if we can't explain some of the concepts to them. It's too bad they really don't have a hive mind, the whole thing might have been easier."

"We have to go back?" Obi-Wan's voice was perilously close to a whine but he just didn't care. As Qui-Gon said, he had to draw the line somewhere and he was only a padawan... well all right, an adult, senior padawan, but still.

"Yes, we have to go back. And while your comportment was, overall, very good, please try not to put me into such a tight position again, Obi-Wan. I'm not sure I could stand the added strain."

_He_ couldn't stand the strain? There were times when Obi-Wan felt most un-Jedi-like in reference to his master and this was one of them, no doubt. Obi-Wan sighed and wondered how many analgesics were in the med kit. There just _had_ to be a way out of this mission.

* * *

Their second foray into the world of the Yngtoc was accomplished with even more hysteria. There was a crowd around their shuttle -- held at bay by a contingent of guards -- and every time they appeared, the crowd surged towards them. Obi-Wan felt absurdly like a holovid star. Then, once they'd fought their way through that first hurdle, the second appeared when Obi-Wan removed his cloak once they were back in the government house. The temperature in the room was kept balmy and he didn't need any help in feeling sweaty. He hadn't known what a storm his actions would engender.

At first, they all seemed stunned silent. Then, they crowded around the two of them, hesitantly reaching to touch their clothing.

"I apologize," Qui-Gon said loudly, quelling the babble of questions. "It did not occur to us that you would not understand the concept of clothing. Mammals have no exoskeleton. Our outer skin is somewhat fragile and we maintain an interior temperature by means of blood vessels."

"I speak this, expression of respect tall mammal," said one older Yngtoc to Qui-Gon. Apparently, their names were as difficult to pronounce as the Yngtoc names were to the Jedi and the translators gave up in helplessness over titles. "I have with mammals before. Speak did I of your covering before you arrive."

"Expression of frustration." Obi-Wan thought it was the same female he had spoken with who interrupted the other female. "You not precise in descriptive speak!" 

There followed a rather heated argument that took up several of the dignitaries and which was accomplished too rapidly for the translator devices to keep up with. Obi-Wan gently folded his cloak over his arm and gave Qui-Gon a sickly smile. Qui-Gon sighed but gave him a reassuring nod.

"...And think me small one is male!" It was unfortunate that a lull in the arguments taking place allowed the assertion to be heard, and Obi-Wan froze in place. 

The speaker was one of the smaller Yngtoc and Obi-Wan hadn't a clue who she was or even if she'd spoken to him before. After a moment of dead silence, the tallest of the Yngtoc turned on the one who had spoken and, using her topmost limbs, hit the speaker hard enough to crack the exoskeleton slightly. She then bowed to Qui-Gon. 

"Please to forgive her, expression of respect tall mammal. She is small-young."

Qui-Gon had a peculiar expression on his face as he glanced between the Yngtoc and Obi-Wan: it was his frowny-concentration face, one that Obi-Wan had seen many, many times before. It usually meant trouble for the padawan, though Obi-Wan could hope he wouldn't do anything drastic under the present circumstances.

That hope went out the window when Qui-Gon spoke. "Actually, yes. Obi-Wan, my student, is a male."

It had to be some sort of punishment. Perhaps Qui-Gon had discovered he was Obi-Wan's favorite masturbatory fantasy. Or maybe he'd found out about Obi-Wan and that younger brother of the planetary leader and the mechanical grease...

"As we have discussed, mammals have different standards for males and females than the Yngtoc. It is not uncommon for a male to travel or even lead, in some circumstances." 

_Oh yes, thank you SO much for that, master._ Obi-Wan closed his eyes and centered himself, wondering if it would be permissible to draw a lightsaber on one's own teacher. It had to be something Obi-Wan had done. Maybe Qui-Gon found out who had ordered that porn chip...

"Very unusual." The translator devices still sounded like a bland newsreader but the Yngtoc were drawing away from him, which beat drawing weapons, he supposed. "Intelligent beings are males also. Mammals have differences. Intelligent the student may be."

"I assure you, he is quite intelligent, and is ahead of many of his peers, even the female ones." 

Oh, that was carrying it too far, and Obi-Wan glared at Qui-Gon. It bounced off, though, without leaving so much as a mark on Qui-Gon's masterly facade.

"Referenced to this, you, inquiry of buying people." Again, the tallest in the room spoke, directly to Qui-Gon. She was clearly the leader, at least in their gathering. "Buy our males, we can."

"Yes, because your males are not as intelligent as you, nor are they as self-aware. It is also so in smaller, non-sentient mammals, such as those you eat. They are neither intelligent nor self-aware beyond a basic sense." How could Qui-Gon be certain his words were being adequately translated? Several of the Yngtoc were staring at Obi-Wan in what could very well be speculation. He swallowed and forced his hands to remain clasped before himself. "Sentient mammalian males and females are equal to each other in most ways."

"Buy a female do we would not." Obi-Wan resolved then and there to make sure an overload of starch would be used on Qui-Gon's sheets every time the laundry was done. Or perhaps itching powder in his boots. "Buy male or female mammal is same. Yes?"

"Yes, in most cases, it is." 

Obi-Wan kept his eyes on the floor as he enumerated ways to make his master pay for not warning him about this... this... well, perhaps trap was too strong a word. Perhaps. At least the Yngtoc were taking the revelation with a certain amount of equanimity, which was hopeful, and pointed to his continued good health.

Not to Qui-Gon's, though, not if Padawan Kenobi had anything to say about it.

"Understand mammals better we must. Understand Hutts we might not do. Not mammals are Hutts, though like us they are."

"It's the Hutts who have been speaking with you?" Obi-Wan's head snapped up at Qui-Gon's words and he met Qui-Gon's look with a wide-eyed look of his own. "They have been operating the slavery ring, then?"

"To us they come with questions, buy and sell males they say." The Yngtoc looked around at her fellow -- all right, Obi-Wan thought, 'bug' was derogative but Force, it was an apt description! -- and then bowed to Qui-Gon. "Speaking more to this must we. Learn about mammals more must we."

"It would be an honor to help you in understanding our species," Qui-Gon said. "Anything you wish to know, we will teach to you."

All the Yngtoc were murmuring and several still appeared to be checking out Obi-Wan, as if fascinated by the idea of an intelligent male. Itching powder in his boots was too good for him, Obi-Wan decided. Retribution would have to take a far more serious tack.

"Will speak we about Hutts. Speak we will about mammals. Expression of curiosity our interest. What is skin?"

The next hour was the longest in Obi-Wan's life. Under his master's watchful eye, he was forced to remove his clothing until he was naked from the waist up so that the Yngtoc could examine his skin and body. Although they were really quite gentle and tentative, it still made him shudder every time one of the large, spiny forelimbs touched his flesh. And being ringed by bugs as tall if not taller than you would have scared anyone, even if they were Jedi. After all, his own master said they had to draw the line somewhere.

But it was wholly unfair that they never asked Qui-Gon to disrobe so they could see the difference between 'male' and 'female' human mammals. Obi-Wan might have even suggested it but a good healthy fear of his master's retribution kept him silent.

"Heat see we, more than Yngtoc."

"Yes, mammalian heat is distributed via blood vessels. If the skin is broken, we will bleed." Obi-Wan was doing his best not to fidget and Qui-Gon must have picked up on his feelings, for he gave Obi-Wan a raised eyebrow. "You have seen this in the mammals you eat."

"Yes, blood we know. No mammal intelligent here." 

_No,_ thought Obi-Wan. _You wouldn't have let them become the dominant species._ But perhaps that was uncharitable; they had truly been hospitable and it really wasn't their fault they gave Obi-Wan the heebie-jeebies. While he didn't think he could ever truly let his guard down around them, it was becoming much easier to relax in their presence.

"Fewer hair have you," one of the smaller ones said. She was being most meticulous in her examination of Obi-Wan. 

"All mammals have hair or fur," Qui-Gon said. He was using his most pedantic voice and it was really beginning to grate on Obi-Wan's last nerve. "Some have more than others."

"Much hair have you," one of the other Yngtoc said to Qui-Gon, gently indicating his longer hair and beard. "Difference this is female from male?"

"In... some cases," Qui-Gon said and Obi-Wan had a sudden, evil thought, a way to get back at his master for putting him through this. "There are other physiological differences between male and female, not all of which show. Some are inside," Qui-Gon continued.

Obi-Wan doubted the Yngtoc watched mammals reproduce, unless they were specifically appointed to do so, as in a scientist or a breeder of food stock. Certainly none of the delegates meeting with them knew anything about the breeding of mammals, else they'd not be so terribly interested in them. 

All that was processed beneath Obi-Wan's conscious thought; his master's comment was like punching for an output from a dataset. "Such as reproductive organs," he said, hard on the heels of Qui-Gon's comment.

Qui-Gon gave him a surprised, quelling glare, but Obi-Wan just smiled. At this point, he was willing to face whatever retribution Qui-Gon might dish out in order to get a bit of his own back.

"Yes, yes, breeding! Breed any time mammals can. Yes?"

"Yes, that's true for many mammals..."

"True for you? For intelligent mammals?" The questioner was the smaller one again, and even the elder statesfemale looked interested (or something, Obi-Wan had given up trying to tell anything from the Yngtoc's body language). 

"Yes, that's quite so for us." Obi-Wan beat Qui-Gon handily and the masterly glare intensified, laced with suspicion. "We are able to... breed at any time." 'Breeding' didn't sound as much fun as 'fucking,' but if Obi-Wan was lucky...

"Purpose for this? Eggs result in any time breed?"

"Between mammals, 'breeding' is quite pleasurable, and therefore something to be sought out often. Not all intercourse between mammals result in offspring -- eggs." The words were just pouring out of Obi-Wan, almost as if he were being prompted. 

"Expression of astonishment!" 

The delegates' excited babble at Obi-Wan's revelation was nearly -- but not completely -- enough to drown out Qui-Gon's growled, "Padawan..."

"Expression of curiosity to demonstrate? To watch and understand is important." It was the tallest female, the one Obi-Wan was now certain was a leader. "Against religion of you it is not?"

"No, not in the least," Obi-Wan said, quickly and loudly drowning out Qui-Gon's nascent protestations. "We'd be happy to give you a demonstration." It was all Obi-Wan could do to keep from laughing out loud at Qui-Gon's expression -- shock chasing anger chasing resignation. He might be forced to clean the Temple kitchens with his tongue for this, but it was worth it. Definitely.

"Padawan!" 

"Yes, Master?" He'd perfected the wide-eyed innocent look long before he'd met Qui-Gon. 

"We cannot..."

"Illuminating demonstration most would be. Expression of gratitude much."

Qui-Gon was nearly red-faced and Obi-Wan could almost see the smoke pouring from his ears. Yes, he was going to get into a freighter full of trouble for this, but life was an adventure, and perhaps he'd at least get to see his master naked before it was all over. He knew that Qui-Gon was sure to find a way out of it, unfortunately, but with any luck, Obi-Wan's masturbatory fantasies would take on new realism after this. He tried to keep his gleeful grin under wraps, but didn't think he was all that successful.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and pinched the flattened bridge of his nose. Obi-Wan could feel him releasing emotion into the Force and briefly felt just a tiny bit of remorse over the dilemma he was presenting Qui-Gon. Still, though Obi-Wan knew he was in deep trouble, he also knew it wasn't his first time nor would it be his last. And perhaps, hopefully, his master would finally stop putting them into these terrible situations. It was getting rather tiring and Obi-Wan felt justified in getting a little payback.

"Fine." Qui-Gon spoke to the Yngtoc but his gaze pinned Obi-Wan to the floor. "If it is a demonstration you wish, then that is what you shall get."

"Expression of gratitude, expression of respect tall female mammal. To aid, how is this we do?" All the Yngtoc milled about in a manner that might have been excited and might not have been... who knew? 

"First, I require some time in private with my student. Is there a room, perhaps, where I can accomplish this?"

Obi-Wan picked up his tunics and shook them out, draping them and his robe over one arm while Qui-Gon conferred with the Yngtoc elders. When they started moving out of the room, he followed, dragged along by Qui-Gon's glare and a need to keep his master in sight. He wasn't paying much attention to what Qui-Gon and his companions were saying, distracted as he was by the Yngtoc following him and the strange architecture surrounding him as they moved down the corridor. 

When they reached another door, he realized he and Qui-Gon were being ushered through but none of the Yngtoc were following. "Master?"

"I will deal with you in a moment, Padawan." That was as frosty a tone as he had ever heard Qui-Gon use and Obi-Wan swallowed. "Thank you, Milady," he added, to the elder Yngtoc. 

"Expression of gratitude ours is." The Yngtoc bowed and closed the door after them.

Obi-Wan glanced around and was surprised to find himself in a smaller room, the floor of which was covered in the same type of cushions he had seen in the meeting room. It was dim and quite warm. "Ummm..."

Qui-Gon turned, planted his fists on his hips and stared hard at Obi-Wan. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Obi-Wan swallowed again. "I'm sorry, Master. I didn't mean any harm, not really. I'm sure we can find a way so that we don't have to go through this..." Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes, stepped forward and grabbed Obi-Wan's braid. "Ow!"

Using it to pull Obi-Wan closer and tilt his head up, Qui-Gon looked into Obi-Wan's eyes and Obi-Wan suddenly realized he was in _far_ more trouble than he had thought. "Oh, we're going through with this," Qui-Gon growled softly. "You've set up a situation where we are to demonstrate mammalian breeding and by the Force, that's what we're going to do."

Gaping, Obi-Wan looked up into his master's eyes and found he couldn't swallow, his mouth was too dry. Without further comment, Qui-Gon leaned down and sealed his lips to Obi-Wan's. Since his mouth was already open, Qui-Gon took the advantage and let his tongue map out the entire cavern, to Obi-Wan's breathless surprise.

When he pulled back, Obi-Wan tried to follow, opening eyes he hadn't realized were closed and making embarrassing little mewling noises. "We are in an observation room, Padawan," Qui-Gon murmured, his voice still in that sexy growl. "The Yngtoc use this for various purposes, breeding among them; they'll be watching us from the other room through that glass. They are bringing oil to us and as soon as they do, it is my intention to fuck you senseless in the hopes it will cure you of your unfortunate tendency to use humor in the strangest of places."

Oh. Obi-Wan, his mouth still open, blinked in shock. His master was going to fuck him? While the bugs watched? His cock shot to hardness so fast it hurt and he took a shaky breath. "Uh..." Qui-Gon must have known he was being used as the star of Obi-Wan's pornographic fantasies. Well, then. Far be it for Padawan Kenobi to object! Until a thought suddenly hit him. "Bu... um... I don't think..."

"No, you have a tendency not to," Qui-Gon agreed. "It's a habit we should work on." He still hadn't let go of his braid but Obi-Wan wasn't going to start complaining now.

There was a definite light of mischief and something else in Qui-Gon's eyes, and it relieved Obi-Wan tremendously. He let the corners of his mouth turn up and whispered, "...there are few things I'd like better, Master, except..." He fought to keep his face straight. "Except... I'm the male...?"

It was Qui-Gon's turn to blink in surprise. He rolled his eyes heavenward then closed them, shaking his head. "The trouble you get me into, Padawan," he said with a sigh.

Obi-Wan let his grin shine through, finally. Reaching up with one hand, he pulled Qui-Gon's head down and kissed him again, this time taking his time to tour Qui-Gon's mouth. Once he broke free, quite a long time after he started, he caressed Qui-Gon's cheek gently. "In case you didn't know, I love you, Master," he whispered.

Qui-Gon still had hold of Obi-Wan's braid, not that Obi-Wan was complaining, but instead of pulling, he used his hand to caress the length of it. "Yes, I know," he said with a wry grin. "I love you too, Obi-Wan. While this is not exactly the venue for such declarations..."

"You love me?" Obi-Wan asked, the unexpected assertion putting a lump of feeling in his throat.

Sighing, Qui-Gon released Obi-Wan's braid to touch his cheek. "You choose the oddest times to laugh, cry and express self-esteem issues, Padawan," he said gently. "I have loved you since Bandomeer, Obi-Wan. It's been a long, weary time waiting for you to grow up and develop better shielding during self-pleasure."

While Obi-Wan was trying to fully understand _that_ remarkable statement, there was a scratching at the door to their room. Qui-Gon went to open it while Obi-Wan attempted to shift gears and figure out how he was going to last long enough to get all the way inside Qui-Gon. He put his hand over his erection and squeezed, trying to back off from the edge he'd been teetering on since Qui-Gon growled he was going to fuck Obi-Wan through the floor. But then, Qui-Gon returned, leaned over Obi-Wan's back and blew gently in his ear. That's all it took. With a heartfelt groan, Obi-Wan came in his pants, leaning back into the comfortable, warming bulk of his master.

"Did you just..." Qui-Gon's voice was amused and incredulous.

"Uh-huh." It was about all Obi-Wan's brain could come up with for an answer.

"I think I'm flattered," Qui-Gon said. 

"Y'should be." Obi-Wan sagged on trembling legs, relying on his master to catch him. And his master did, bearing them both to the floor on the dun-colored cushions. They were as soft as they were colorless. 

"I hope you're able to fully recharge soon, Obi-Wan, because our guests are relying on you to provide them with illumination into the world of mammalian breeding." Qui-Gon's soft voice was still amused and Obi-Wan opened his eyes to see Qui-Gon leaning over him, looking as delighted as his voice. 

"Master. I am at the height of male sexual potency." Yes, he was, something that his body was proving even as he spoke. "I think that, uh, misfire was just enough to take the edge off."

"Misfire?"

"So to speak." He grinned and was overjoyed to see his smile returned. "But I am going to need to get out of my trousers as soon as possible."

"Let me help." Now, there was a concept Obi-Wan hadn't contemplated before -- having his glorious master aid him in disrobing. It made even the gooey mess inside his pants bearable, and the look on Qui-Gon's face as Obi-Wan's body emerged from his sticky undershorts was enough to bring Obi-Wan's erection back to nearly full strength.

But it was Qui-Gon running his finger through the semen coating the inside of Obi-Wan's undershorts, then licking it off, that nearly brought Obi-Wan to the edge again. "Master?"

"Yes, Padawan?"

"I don't think I'm going to have a problem fucking you."

"That's good to hear, Obi-Wan. I wouldn't want to shortchange our hosts." He chuckled ruefully. "Though it has been a long, long time since I have bottomed for anyone..."

Why that statement gave Obi-Wan an almost overwhelming sense of tenderness, he had no idea. "You can trust me, Master. I would never hurt you." Qui-Gon's expression was equally tender. "But you're overdressed for the occasion," Obi-Wan added.

"That can be remedied."

There was just _so much_ to Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan thought to himself as he helped Qui-Gon remove and set aside his tunics. As Qui-Gon emerged, Obi-Wan gave in to a desire he'd held for years, leaning over Qui-Gon and running his tongue over Qui-Gon's neck, tasting. "Spicy," he whispered.

When Qui-Gon's pants were removed, Obi-Wan was impressed and awed at the size of the prize waiting for him. Qui-Gon was a big man everywhere, and unclothed, in a sexually excited state, he was glorious. Unable to resist, Obi-Wan leaned over and ran his tongue up the beautiful phallus, lingering over a drop of pre-cum hiding in the crown. 

"I suggest you not do that again, Padawan," Qui-Gon said. His voice sounded strained. "You may be able to recharge immediately; I do not have the luxury of your youth, I'm afraid."

"Sorry, Master," Obi-Wan whispered. He situated himself between Qui-Gon's spread legs, admiring the expanse of lovely, pale skin beneath him. "How shall we do this?"

"Like this would be fine, Obi-Wan." Yes, there was a definite note of strain in that lovely, growly voice and Obi-Wan mentally patted himself on the back. "The oil is in that bulb."

It was a soft container; Obi-Wan couldn't tell what it was made of and didn't particularly care. He squeezed it gently and a clear, thick fluid emerged from the small opening to his fingers. "Do we know this is safe for us?" he asked, gently rubbing the viscous fluid between his thumb and forefinger. It seemed slippery enough.

"I asked for oil, perhaps rendered from mammalian fat, so I think it should be safe..." Qui-Gon lifted his arms over his head and stretched, clearly relishing the effect he was having on Obi-Wan. And an effect he was most definitely having; Obi-Wan swallowed hard and began trembling. 

A quick sniff of the oil -- it was without odor -- and a tongue-tip taste -- it had no flavor either. It wasn't causing any reaction on his fingers, so Obi-Wan took the reckless path and spread a bit on his nipples, as well as on Qui-Gon's. "If we're going to have a bad reaction, it's best to know now," he muttered. 

Qui-Gon snorted in something that sounded like amusement. "Would I violate any masterly mystique if I said I don't care if I have hives in my ass after this so long as you hurry?"

Despite himself and his arousal, that made Obi-Wan laugh out loud. "It's definitely good for my ego," he replied with a grin. The oil was having no effect on him at all, so he squeezed a good amount onto his hand. "Lift your legs, Mas... Qui-Gon."

"Say that again." 

Obi-Wan didn't pretend to misunderstand. "Qui-Gon." He almost got lost in the heated deep blue gaze trained on him. "It feels like I've wanted this forever."

It took Qui-Gon a few moments to reply; when he did, it was in a whisper again. "Hurry, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan hurried. Their watchers were completely forgotten as he got lost inside Qui-Gon. The oil was plentiful and if there was a bad reaction, by the time Obi-Wan slid into Qui-Gon, he wouldn't have cared at all. It was tight and hot and really, really good, and Obi-Wan was especially grateful for his previous climax. 

Putting Qui-Gon's long, muscular legs on his shoulders, he pushed inside, as deeply as he could and held still, closing his eyes in an effort to hold off another orgasm. Qui-Gon reached up and hooked one hand around Obi-Wan's neck, dragging him down for a kiss that was as passionate and hot as any Obi-Wan had ever experienced. The kisses distracted him just enough to back him away from the edge again, and he began to carefully thrust, taking as much of his weight on his arms as he could. Qui-Gon was huge and hot, and Obi-Wan found himself promising any deity listening anything at all -- first born, lifetime service, even his soul -- if he could only continue doing what he was doing for the rest of his life.

It just felt so _good_. 

Qui-Gon finally broke their kiss with a deep groan, throwing his head back against the cushions. His hand slipped from Obi-Wan's neck to his erection and he began to pull hard on it. Obi-Wan gasped and lost it, feeling his climax burn its way out of him as he began to pump in and out of his lover. His own finish was a few moments before Qui-Gon's, though he was only aware of that peripherally. When he collapsed, it was as carefully as possible, though it was a near thing; he almost ended up bending Qui-Gon's leg in a direction in which it was not exactly made to go.

They lay there together, partially joined, as they caught their breath. Qui-Gon stretched his legs out and pulled Obi-Wan to him, kissing and caressing him. "Thank you, Obi-Wan," he murmured into his padawan's sweaty hair. 

"The pleasure was all mine," Obi-Wan whispered back. His heart was gradually slowing down. Suddenly he remembered their audience and hazarded a glance behind him just long enough to see several Yngtoc gathered at the window and obviously arguing among themselves. Thankfully, there was no sound carrying from that room. He wondered if they were wondering why both of their mammalian guests possessed a 'tab A' and a 'slot B' then banished the thought before he could begin laughing helplessly.

"I think we gave them a sufficient show, Padawan." 

Obi-Wan smiled and decided then and there to do anything -- everything! -- possible to once again hear that languid, sexy tone of voice from Qui-Gon. "I certainly hope so. After all, I do have a reputation to uphold."

Qui-Gon pulled back just enough so that he could look into Obi-Wan's eyes. "You have a reputation?"

Obi-Wan grinned. "I'll tell you all about it when we get home."

"I think you will. And hopefully we'll be going home sooner rather than later. I suspect we'll have enough information on the slavery ring and the Hutts' complicity therein to resolve this within the next couple of days." He sighed. "It can't be too soon for me. I'm getting tired of injecting mys... I mean..."

Frowning down at Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan asked, "Master?" Recalling the mysterious box he'd seen Qui-Gon carrying, a box he'd seen in Qui-Gon's cabin on their ship, a suspicion began to grow in Obi-Wan's brain. "Why would you be..." Qui-Gon blushed. That was _almost_ enough to distract Obi-Wan from his question. "Master?"

"I... Oh, Force. It's a mild tranquilizer. I... have a phobia..."

Obi-Wan put his head down on Qui-Gon's chest and did his best to keep from howling. 

end


End file.
